Fearless Sexuality Educator

Sexuality education, without fear and with pleasure.

Archive for the category “Friday FREAK OUT”

Friday FREAK OUT! Jason Collins is 1st NBA player to announce that he’s gay

On Monday, 34-year old NBA player Jason Collins came out as gay in a story published in Sports Illustrated, written by Jason himself. This marks the first time that a current pro-ball player in the ‘big four’ sports in the U.S. (basketball, baseball, football and hockey) has announced that he is gay. In his story he shares,

I feel blessed that I recognized my own attractions.

For years, sexuality educators have talked about how few gay role models exist in major sports, and how the lack of public figures in a variety of roles can be detrimental to a young person’s self-acceptance. Well, it’s time to change that story. And, as a few others have pointed out, people are freakin out about this now, but hopefully in the future a pro ball player coming out won’t be such a freak out. As Marty Klein asks in his blog post, “How many gay athletes will have to come out before it’s no longer newsworthy?”

However, people don’t seem to be freakin out so much about how WNBA player Brittney Griner came out just last week, and as the Atlantic points out in their article, What the WNBA can teach male athletes about coming out and being allies, there are plenty of ‘out’ players in other sports. This is a great opportunity to celebrate the people that have already been serving as strong role models. Sexuality educators, parents and teachers can point to all of these individuals as people to potentially look up to.

What I think is great about Jason Collins’ story is that he, and Brittney, are both communicating the message that you should be who you are, and not have to pretend to be someone that you’re not just to succeed in a particular career.

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Friday FREAK OUT! EC over the counter for all!

Today sexuality educators, policymakers, and advocates are all freakin’ out about the surprise ruling by a federal judge saying that the government must make emergency contraception available over the counter for everyone, including young people under the age of 16. By May 5th, there will no longer be age or sale restrictions for Plan B, One Step, and its generic versions.

This New York Times article does a great job describing the history and controversy surrounding this court case.

What does this mean for sexuality educators? Time to update your fact sheets on emergency contraception!

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Friday FREAK OUT! Outrage over ads for Kegel exercises

Riding along on the Long Island Rail Road (LIRR), some people do not want to see ads about Kegel exercises. The ads, which have been up for about 4 weeks, read:

Ladies, admit it. You’re doing kegels right now.

The ads have been called offensive, appalling, outrageous, and over the line.

What many riders don’t know is that this ad is part of a tv network Veria Living’s Random Acts of Wellness Campaign. This campaign is meant to be a light-hearted way of getting people thinking about wellness.

Funny, because another fabulous awareness campaign was launched just this week that directly relates to these ads. Sexuality educator Debby Herbenick launched a fabulous new Tumblr, Make Sex Normal.

I think these Kegel ads are a great example of ways that we can make sex normal. If we can be open and honest about discussing pelvic exercises, then we set the foundation for individuals being comfortable talking about things like consent! These ads are a great opportunity for teachable moments to talk about how sexual health is about more than just condoms.

It’s too bad that according to the Huntington Patch, the ads will come down next week.

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Friday FREAK OUT! Snapchat lives up to worst fears

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Snapchat, for those who are not up to date on apps (admittedly, I just recently learned about Snapchat because of recent media hype), is a free photo & video sharing application that will delete the shared item in 10 seconds or less. Wildly popular among teens, the app ‘allows’ users to send silly, embarrassing, or even sexy images that will theoretically be erased shortly after the receiver views it, aka they will theoretically self-destruct. Launched in September 2011, Snapchat boasts over 60 millions messages a day.

However, a quick review of the headlines shows the potential pitfalls of Snapchat:

Why Snapchat is dangerous (it’s not just because of sexting)

Law enforcement warns Snapchat is a perfect tool for child predators

A warning about Snapchat, Teenagers, and Online Photo Sharing

T20130315-193651.jpghe app has gotten even more media attention this week since a teen in New Jersey took screenshots of several photos sent via Snapshot, and then posted them on Instagram. The police are now involved in the case, since possession of naked photos of a person under the age of 18 is against the law in NJ.

This particular NJ case, and the attention given to the app, highlights the ever-increasing need to help young people understand appropriate and inappropriate uses of technology, especially when it comes to photos and videos. In recent conversations that I have had about the app, most people have quickly come to the conclusion that a primary purpose of the app is to send sexually explicit messages, when according to their website their actual intention is to provide a platform to share an image that might “be a little grainy, and you may not look your best, but that’s the point. It’s about the moment, a connection between friends, and not just a pretty picture.”

Here are some important messages to emphasize with young people:
-Consider all of the potential risks of sending photos that are sexually explicit
-Think about who will be receiving the message, and what could happen
-Establish personal boundaries based on potential risks involved
-Even ‘private’ photos aren’t always private
-ANYthing sent via Snapchat, or other programs like Facebook Poke, could be seen by anyone, so make sure you’re ok with that
-Know that anyone in possession of a nude photo taken of someone under the age of 18 is against the law
-If you share an image against the wishes of an individual, you could get sued for invasion of privacy, plus it’s not very nice!

It is also important to remember that teens are really into this application, so it may not be productive to simply prohibit its use. Rather, use this as a teachable moment and talk about smart ways to use smartphones.

Kia’s Babylandia Superbowl Commercial: How NOT to respond to the question, “where do babies come from”

Space Babies: while they may be babies, they don’t come from space. Unless you are Superman.

Who doesn’t LOVE pandas, puppies, and babies dressed up as astronauts? Well, as cute as the Kia Babylandia commercial aired during the superbowl may appear, the message that we should tell our kids that babies come from OUTER SPACE is wrong! It’s so wrong that I had to write a post about it, and I couldn’t wait until Friday (although this kind of belongs in my Friday Freak Out series!).

This commercial has been one of the favorites, lauded as cute and relate-able, and the dad is described as creative and imaginative. However, I think he’s scared and misguided. The twitterverse has focused mostly on the cute pandas, the fancy effects, and the funny ending, but has largely ignored the problems with this commercial. This commercial incorrectly tells parents that…

  1. when their kids ask, “where do babies come from”, they should make up a fairytale planet such as Babylandia instead of being honest and informing them of the facts.
  2. they should avoid the topic of sexuality because it’s something that doesn’t deserve the truth.
  3. when their child is sharing what they know, it’s ok to cut them off mid-sentence.
  4. when they don’t feel prepared to answer a question, they should make something up instead.

What messages SHOULD we be emphasizing?

  • Babies don’t come from outer space.
  • It’s ok for kids to ask their parents about where babies come from. Actually, they SHOULD ask their parents!
  • The car is actually a great place to ask/answer questions about sexuality.
  • Take advantage of teachable moments, especially when the moment is because a child asks a specific question.
  • Listen to what children are saying, so they feel respected and comfortable asking more questions.
  • Sexuality is a natural part of human existence, and sexual expression isn’t supernatural or alien.
  • Parents don’t have to be scared to answer questions- if you’re not sure how to respond, tell them you’ll answer their question later (and then DO IT!).

I know that Kia has to sell cars, and that their fancy voice-commands demonstrate that this fancy car has an ‘answer for everything’, but this commercial just reinforces the idea that kids don’t deserve the facts about life, and parents don’t know how to teach them anyways. Parents should be a child’s primary sexuality educator, and this commercial does nothing to help parents feel empowered to take on that role. In fact, it does the exact opposite.

Need help talking to young kids about sexuality? I highly recommend the book but how’d I get in there in the first place? by Deborah Roffman (2002), which talks about answering children’s questions according to their developmental stage.  It’s an easy and approachable read, focusing on kids 6 years old and under.

Friday FREAK OUT! Nice-Guy-Gate

[TRIGGER WARNING for the topic of rape]

In the last few weeks in the feminist blogosphere a HEATED debate has emerged that started with an article posted on the Good Men Project titled, Nice Guys Commit Rape Too, written by Alyssa Royse.  This article tells the story of a ‘nice guy’ that commits an act of rape, and the author seeks to explore why/how it happened: “In order to get to that answer we need to first abolish the idea that all rape is about power and violence. It’s not. Some rape begins as the earnest belief that sex is going to happen, and that it should. The confusion starts with misreading socially accepted cues.”

In the aftermath of this article’s publication, there has ensued a series of responses, rebuttals, and other public outrage via social media.  Here is a sample of what you can find if you jump down the rabbit-hole of ‘nice-guy-gate’, in approximate chronological order:

11/30/12 Good Men Project: Nice Guys Commit Rape Too, by Alyssa Royse – the article that started it all.

12/1/12 Good Men Project: Nice Guys Commit Rape Too, A Response, by Matthew Salesses.

12/8/12 Feministe: What in holy hell is this, by Jill Filipovic.

12/10/12 Good Men Project: I’d Rather Risk Rape than Quit Partying, by ANONYMOUS. [this is the story of a self-identified rapist]

12/10/12 Feministe: And just when you thought the Good Men Project couldn’t get any worse, by Jill Filipovic.

12/10/12 Good Men Project: This is Why We Published a Rapist’s Story, by Joanna Schroeder.

12/10/12 The Soapbox: On Nice Guys as Rapists, by Amelia McDonnell Perry.

12/11/12 Why did the Good Men Project publish a blog by an unrepentant and unconvicted rapist? by Ally Fogg.

12/18/12 Why the ‘nice guys commit rape too’ conversation is not helpful, by Jill Filipovic.

12/??/12 Why I Left the GMP, by Ozy Frantz.

12/20/2012 Rapists Say They Rape Because of Mixed Signals and the Good Men Project Believes Them, by Amanda Marcotte.

Wow, there is a lot being said, and people are surely freakin out about it.  Myself included.  I have really struggled to wrap my head around all of the points being made, and how to frame this debate in a productive manner for myself.

One thing that I am reminded about as I have been digesting the myriad of viewpoints is that consent is an essential topic to cover in sexuality education.  Because it’s not enough just to tell someone, “don’t rape”.  As sexuality educators, we MUST teach participants…

  • What is consent?
  • What do you need consent for?
  • How is consent communicated?
  • How do you know if consent is given?
  • How do you know if consent is not given?
  • How do non-verbal cues affect the understanding of consent?
  • When is someone unable to give consent?

And I’m just getting started!  This is a challenging concept to both teach, and to learn.  As ‘students’, we learn different things about consent from our teachers, peers, the media, parents, religion, etc., and we rarely have an opportunity to truly examine and explore all of the nuances of communicating about consent in real life situations.  Sexuality education should be an opportunity for individuals to learn how to make healthy decisions about sexual activity that are 100% consensual.  (Stay tuned for a more in-depth post on consent in the future.)

I encourage sexuality educators to critically examine all sides of ‘nice-guy-gate’ in order to understand the scope of this controversy. It is also critical that we all send a clear message about the importance of consent, because surely we could all learn about bit more about it.

Friday FREAK OUT! Election 2012

Photo: Hey Ladies!!!! Share this to celebrate what women made happen this year. (Also guys, you should totally share this too!)

from Ultra Violet weareultraviolet.org

Facebook, Twitter, the Blogosphere, and News outlets galore have been highlighting the amazing accomplishments of Election Day 2012, when a record number of women were elected, an astounding number of women voted, and there were huge strides forward for marriage equality. Check out these summaries:

Feminist Majority Foundation Blog

Huffington Post’s Women in Politics Break Records in 2012 Election

The BBC’s article- US Election: Women are the New Majority

A New York Times editorial, A Big Leap for Marriage Equality

What do the election results tell us about about being fearless?

  • We are making headway. Despite some major setbacks in the courts, marriage equality is becoming a reality for more and more people in the United States. And we’re not gonna stop now!
  • We will acknowledge women as leaders in our community. Women can, and should be elected to political office, especially since women make up 50% of the population! Has it really taken until 2012 to have 20 women in the U.S. Senate?
  • We will take reproductive rights seriously. The government should not be making a medical decision that belongs to the individual(s) involved.
  • We will be heard. In response to the string of outlandish comments such as ‘legitimate rape’ and ‘binders full of women‘, people made sure that their voices were heard, and they would not stand to elect politicians who will maintain principles of inequality.

What does this election mean for sexuality education?

Sexuality education has been a hot political topic in the past, although it didn’t get a lot of attention this year. This blog post on Answer points out the need for sexuality education to be at the forefront of policy-making. It needs to be a priority, not a bargaining chip. Effective, comprehensive sexuality education needs to be a vital component of learning about healthy living, and I hope that our elected officials will support those programs that are sound in theory and methods, and that avoid using fear tactics.

How can sexuality educators use this election as a teaching tool?

Elections can demonstrate how when a community comes together (either physically, virtually, or metaphorically), their voices can be heard and they can make a difference. Each person gets to decide how they prioritize issues, and cast their vote for who can best represent them. Educators can relate the value of voting in an election to personal decision-making, and the importance of thinking independently and critically about decisions that can affect their lives significantly.

Photo: Need we say more?

Friday FREAK OUT! Yet another rape comment

Is it really a surprise that yet another Republican candidate has made an outrageous comment about rape?  This week Richard Mourdock, a candidate for the Indiana Senate and endorsed by presidential candidate Mitt Romney, said, “even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that is something that God intended to happen.” Also note that while Romney said he disagrees with Mourdock on this issue, he still supports him.

Stephen Colbert’s Team RAPE

The string of comments from republicans this election season has received overwhelming attention from the media, including John Stewart and Stephen Colbert, who offers a summary of comments from the GOP and rounds them up as Team Rape.

Sexuality educators! PLEASE use this opportunity to discuss the topic of sexual assault and sexual violence with your participants.  While we may be laughing at the extreme comments made, especially the recurrence of them, rape is no laughing matter.  Use the commentary to engage in thoughtful conversations about why the comments being made are so extreme, and how they can formulate their own opinions about reproductive choice.

Here are some points to make:

  • No one deserves to be sexually assaulted in any way.
  • Consent is paramount when engaging in sexual activity with another person.
  • Rape and sexual assault are against the law.
  • You have the right to make choices about your own body.
  • Everyone deserves to have healthy sexual activity that is completely safe and consensual.

Also see my related post about Todd Akin’s comment on legitimate rape.

 

 

 

Friday FREAK OUT! Binders full of women

During Tuesday’s debate between President Barack Obama and presidential candidate Mitt Romney, a young women asked a question about what each would do in response to the inequality of pay between men and women in the workforce. In Romney’s response, he claimed that when looking to fill cabinet positions in Massachusetts he had his staff compile ‘binders full of women’ as potential candidates for those jobs. Research into this claim has shown that he did not initiate this task, it was actually a non-profit effort to get more women into government positions. His comment has gone absolutely viral- there is now a Binders Full of Women website, tumblr, Facebook page, Wikipedia page, and an urban dictionary entry. Pictures on product descriptions for 3-ring binders have been added depicting political messages such as “Bain Capital outsourced my job to China, and all I got was this lousy binder!”. I might even be a binder full of women for Halloween! And the list goes on so long that there are now stories about how viral Binders Full of Women has gone.

Responses have included-

  • Outrage at Romney twisting the truth
  • Mocking Romney’s attitude in the first place
  • A uniting of women nationwide to send Romney a binder full of women who are voting for Obama
  • A rebuttal ad from the Romney campaign and
  • Disparaging the 24-year old pre-K teacher that asked the question.

This overwhelming response highlights an important message that should be repeated over and over: women matter. Women are not second class citizens and they should not be an after-thought when bringing people together to govern a population that is 50% women. Women should be considered for any position they are qualified for and paid the same as any man with the same qualifications. They should also not be lumped together as one giant blob to tap into just to reach a quota. Women, like any human being regardless of gender, should be respected and considered for their strengths, knowledge, and skills as individuals.

What can sexuality educators do with this media frenzy? In a safe, intentional learning environment this can be a valuable teachable moment to discuss gender, power, and equality. This is an opportunity to talk about the value of inclusivity, and self-worth. You could have participants do an art project of a binder full of you, with pictures of an individual throughout their lives. You can talk about how gender relates to relationships and whether both people have equal rights in that relationship. You can also show how one question about job pay asked in a presidential debate can spark millions of freak outs about gender inequality and how maybe that will institute change and motivate action. Some binders full of women like to party. 

Friday FREAK OUT! Gay teen denied Eagle Scout Award, despite his project on tolerance

Ryan Andresen

 

http://nesa.org/methods.html

The Scouting program has three specific objectives, commonly referred to as the “Aims of Scouting.” They are character development, citizenship training, and personal fitness.

 

The methods by which the aims are achieved are listed below in random order to emphasize the equal importance of each.

 

Ideals

The ideals of Boy Scouting are spelled out in the Scout Oath, the Scout Law, the Scout motto, and the Scout slogan. The Boy Scout measures himself against these ideals and continually tries to improve. The goals are high, and, as he reaches for them, he has some control over what and who he becomes.

 

Patrols

The patrol method gives Boy Scouts an experience in group living and participating citizenship. It places responsibility on young shoulders and teaches boys how to accept it. The patrol method allows Scouts to interact in small groups where they can easily relate to each other. These small groups determine troop activities through their elected representatives.

 

Outdoor Programs

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Boy Scouting is designed to take place outdoors. It is in the outdoor setting that Scouts share responsibilities and learn to live with one another. It is here that the skills and activities practiced at troop meetings come alive with purpose. Being close to nature helps Boy Scouts gain an appreciation for God’s handiwork and humankind’s place in it. The outdoors is the laboratory for Boy Scouts to learn ecology and practice conservation of nature’s resources.

 

Advancement

Boy Scouting provides a series of surmountable obstacles and steps in overcoming them through the advancement method. The Boy Scout plans his advancement and progresses at his own pace as he meets each challenge. The Boy Scout is rewarded for each achievement, which helps him gain self-confidence. The steps in the advancement system help a Boy Scout grow in self-reliance and in the ability to help others.

 

Association with Adults

Boys learn a great deal by watching how adults conduct themselves. Scout leaders can be positive role models for the members of their troops. In many cases a Scoutmaster who is willing to listen to boys, encourage them, and take a sincere interest in them can make a profound difference in their lives.

 

Personal Growth

As Boy Scouts plan their activities and progress toward their goals, they experience personal growth. The Good Turn concept is a major part of the personal growth method of Boy Scouting. Boys grow as they participate in community service projects and do Good Turns for others. Probably no device is so successful in developing a basis for personal growth as the daily Good Turn. The religious emblems program also is a large part of the personal growth method. Frequent personal conferences with his Scoutmaster help each Boy Scout to determine his growth toward Scouting’s aims.

 

Leadership Development

The Boy Scout program encourages boys to learn and practice leadership skills. Every Boy Scout has the opportunity to participate in both shared and total leadership situations. Understanding the concepts of leadership helps a boy accept the leadership role of others and guides him toward the citizenship aim of Scouting.

 

Uniform

The uniform makes the Boy Scout troop visible as a force for good and creates a positive youth image in the community. Boy Scouting is an action program, and wearing the uniform is an action that shows each Boy Scout’s commitment to the aims and purposes of Scouting. The uniform gives the Boy Scout identity in a world brotherhood of youth who believe in the same ideals. The uniform is practical attire for Boy Scout activities and provides a way for Boy Scouts to wear the badges that show what they have accomplished.

Check out this Huffington Post article, outlining the ordeal.

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