Ki047cea4rsten deFur is a sexuality educator/trainer from Brooklyn, NY.  Kirsten received her Master of Public Health in Sexuality & Health from Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health and her Bachelor of Music and Bachelor of Arts from the University of North Carolina at Greensboro.

Kirsten is a trainer for the Our Whole Lives program for Adults & Young Adults and Middle/High School levels, and she has taught the OWL program for Kindergarten/1st graders, 4th-6th graders, 7th-9th graders, 10th-12th graders, and young adults.  (Our Whole Lives is a comprehensive sexuality education program written by the Unitarian Universalist Association and the United Church of Christ- learn more at http://www.uua.org/owl.)  Kirsten is available to facilitate training programs, teach sexuality education classes (evenings & weekends), and provide assistance on administering programs.

Want to know more about what this blog really means?  Check out my post on What’s in a Name, where I describe what it means to be a Fearless Sexuality Educator, and why I didn’t compromise on any of those terms.


Services available from Kirsten

Workshops on the following topics for any age group:

  • Values and sexuality
  • Communicating about sexuality
  • Sexual Health
  • Relationship and Sexual Consent
  • Sexuality Education in faith-based settings (parents & adults)
  • Something designed and developed just for you!


Original Workshops for sexuality educators (aspiring and experienced):

  • Don’t Forget the Good Stuff! Integrating Positive Messages of Sexual Pleasure into Sexuality Education

Description: Sexuality education programs provide an important opportunity for students of all ages to learn critical information about concepts such as sexually transmitted infections, risky behaviors, pregnancy prevention, and reproduction.  However, the topic of sexual pleasure is not always effectively integrated into the curriculum.  Sexual pleasure is an integral component of human relationships, and serves as a motivation for many people to engage in sexual behaviors.  Sexuality educators need to be prepared to bring up this sensitive topic because they are in a unique position to communicate positive messages that will in turn promote healthy decision making.  This workshop will give participants the opportunity to discuss the meaning of sexual pleasure in order to increase their comfort level with the subject area.  It will also provide a forum to brainstorm and discuss ways to integrate the topic of sexual pleasure into existing programs through the use of both implicit and explicit messages. 

  • Be Afraid! Be Very Afraid! Examining Fear-Based Methods in Sexuality Education

Description: In many educational settings, instructors employ fear-based educational methods in order to teach young people about sexually transmitted infections (STI). There are distinct disadvantages to using fear to prevent STIs and it is important for people to be able to decipher these messages on their own. This lesson aims to help participants reflect on their own past fear-based “learning” experiences. They also critically examine a current example of a fear-based activity, so they can readily identify scare tactics and help others to do so as well.

  • Dare to be Shameless! Overcoming Sex-Shaming Rhetoric in Sexuality Education

Description: In the era of slut-walks and sex-positivity, sexuality educators need to be aware of how they frame sexual activity.  Sex-shaming pervades our everyday conversations, and maintaining a sex-affirming perspective as an educator can be challenging. During this workshop participants will examine what sex-shaming rhetoric entails, reflect on how sex-shaming can impact sexuality education, and identify alternative approaches that are sex-positive. 

  • YES YES YES YES YES! Teaching Enthusiastic Consent from a Pleasure Perspective

Description: No means no? How about yes means YES! Recent high profile sexual assault cases such as Steubenville highlight the need to teach about giving and seeking consent. During this interactive workshop participants will define the term “enthusiastic consent”, examine a teaching framework that acknowledges pleasure, and identify effective educational strategies.

Our Whole Lives program services:

  • Trainer, Our Whole Lives Adult/Young Adult and Middle/High School age levels
  • Facilitator, Our Whole Lives (all age levels)
  • Workshop on Our Whole Lives, Behind the Scenes: Strategies for an Administrator


Selected Publications

Lesson Plans:

Defining Sexual Health. In Teaching Safer Sex, 3rd Edition, Volume 1. Bill Taverner, Editor. (2012).

I Feel Good! Sexual Pleasure…Definitions and Values. In Teaching Safer Sex, 3rd Edition, Volume 1. Bill Taverner, Editor. (2012).

Be Afraid! Be Very Afraid! Examining Fear-Based Methods in STI Prevention. In Teaching Safer Sex, 3rd Edition, Volume 2. Bill Taverner, Editor. (2012).



deFur, K. (2012). Getting to the Good Stuff! Adopting a Pleasure Framework for Sexuality Education. American Journal of Sexuality Education, 7 (2).

deFur, K. (2012). Don’t Forget the Good Stuff!  Incorporating positive messages of sexual pleasure into sexuality education. American Journal of Sexuality Education, 7 (2).


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